Thursday, September 30, 2010

Lupita part Tres. I'm still scared while typing this..

So, here I am at the office still trying to pack away some boxes... when lo' and behold, Lupita shows up.

I should have known.  I was hoping to get everything packed up, but one of the clients called and I didn't want to sound unprofessional with me grunting and heaving over boxes while he's asking me questions. 

I thought about coming by the next day, but I knew I wouldn't have any time to do it since I'd spend most of my day transitioning accounts to my old co-workers.

So here's basically how the conversation goes:

Lupita: Oh! (she begins to suck on her candy furiously.)

Me: Oh hey, Lupita.

Lupita: Dee you get my note?

Me: Yes, I did.  Thank you for your compliments.

Lupita: (smiles.. and slowly dislodges whatever nasty candy from the gap of her mouth).  I like you.

Me: Oh. Well.. uh (Lupita begins to inch closer to me.  I take a step back).

Lupita: I like you.  (She smiles and I'm reminded of a Jack O' Lantern...)

Me: Uh.. yeah.  Thank you.  But.. But...

Lupita:  But what?!  (She begins to seethe.  She obviously thinks I'm playing games with her).  I know you like me.  I see you look at me. I know. I know. 

Me: I'm not playing games Lupita.  I'm really not playing games!  (I'm trying to figure an exit strategy, but I'm somewhat cornered). 

She literally had her arms at her hips with that butter scotch candy furiously going in and out of that gap.

There was an awkward silence and I began to accept fate.  If I was going down, then so be it.

My phone went off.  Lupita and I both looked at my phone. 


It was my mom. 

My freaking mom saved my ass. I quickly picked it up and I began to head out. 

Me: Hi mom?  How are you doing?

Mom: You know, you didn't go to jury duty right?

Me:  Oh no way mom!  Really?  That's such a shame.  (As I walk out of my office, I pick up a box and look at Lupita).  I'm sorry, but I think you got it all wrong.  I'm not interested.  But, mind if you lock up after you're done cleaning? Thanks, bye!

I didn't bother turning around.  I just bee-lined it to my car and took off.  I wanted to make sure she didn't know what car I drove as well. 

I'm kind of paranoid of what may happen tomorrow morning.  Who knows, she might leave a steaming pile of poop on my desk...

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Looking for work and wondering about ghosts...

So I gave my boss that I'd be leaving shortly. He was pretty stressed and I felt bad. He's always had the most utmost respect for me. It was kind of painful to let him know this way.

For those that wonder, I have two bosses. One is an ass hat (He's the one that asked that I come in on the weekends a few journals ago). The other, is a nice overall guy.

Obviously, he didn't like the news, but he was pretty politically correct about it.

I've been looking around for jobs and I was able to get a call back from a recruiter that has a direct interview with the CEO of the company. I'm assuming it's not that big of a company, but hell.. with this economy, I'll take what I can get.

And topic of ghosts came about. I thought I'd share this with my readers. (Thank you for following and reading. I really appreciate it. I feel like I'm wanted in a way ^^)

When I was eight or nine years old. I had this weird and very scary incident late at night between Saturday and Sunday. Back then, I would play video games late into the night. At that time, i was playing Secret of Mana. I was hooked. I could literally plop my ass down and just stare at the screen for hours.

I thought I'd draw some pictures.  It was meant to be taken seriously, but I think I'm going to ruin it with my horrible MS paint drawings.

So on Saturday/Sunday morning.. it was around 3am. 

I started sensing something.  I felt some weird presence.  The hairs on my neck stood up and in all honesty, I knew someone was there.  Just to preface, it was me and my mother.  I knew that my mom was already in bed in her room and my brother was up north in college at the time.  I couldn't help but turn around. And right in front of my face was a gentleman in an old brown suit, brown slacks and dusty brown shoes.  He was probably in his late sixties with an unshaven pepper beard and gray hair.  The guy was literally three feet away from me.

I couldn't tell if he was looking at me or at something else, because the dude had no eyeballs. NO FREAKING EYEBALLS.  I first thought I was hallucinating, but it was surreal.  What made it more awkward was the fact that he was solid.  He wasn't transparent like you hear from other stories.  The dude was solid. 

So here I am staring at this guy for what felt like an eternity, but realistically I have to say I was looking at him for at least 15 minutes.  I just couldn't look away.  In my head, I was screaming at myself to turn around turn around and soon enough I turned back to the game and just played.  All that time I was playing, I knew he was still standing there.  Six o'clock rolled around and I noticed the sun start to rise.  I turned around and noticed that he was gone and rushed into my bedroom.. praying.  I freaking prayed that this guy wouldn't bother me.  

In short, I've never seen the guy again.  I did hear footsteps in the cellar which I found to be very odd and occasional door closing and opening. 

Any of you guys have some sort of experience with ghosts?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Do you guys ever have those instances with your ex's?

I usually have a rule that I adhere to all the time.

You don't talk to your ex.


I personally think that it gets more confusing and causes possible emotions to rise without some sort of repercussion.

But in this situation: She kind of threw me off guard and just annoying:

Ex: So yeah, I just wanted to say, "hi" ^_^

Me: Uh.. ok.

Ex: So, do you miss me?

Me: No. I try not to think about it.

Ex: You don't miss the sex?

Me: What guy wouldn't? But it's not worth it.

Ex: When I was with you, I wanted to have sex more.

Me: (Somewhat agitated) Really? So all those times, when I initiate, you turning me down was just a fluke? Get the f'ck out of here.

Ex: Oh no.. I wanted to. But I was stressing over (work, family drama) that I couldn't. But I really liked it and I wanted to do it more and more.

I'm kind of annoyed by this. Why would she bring this up?

Women in general are the kings of mind games.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Play em off Keyboard Cat!

Oh man.. I could not stop laughing...poor bastard.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

hahaha I don't know why I find this so funny...

I'm somewhat hung over from last night. Tequila makes me do some strange things.

I'll explain later.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Interview gone terrible....

So I applied for a position in some company that is literally an hour away from the house.  It was about 1 hour and 30 minutes from home if I didn't take the toll roads. 

So I have their HR lady call me a few days go and we have a brief stint of phone tag with one another.
Finally, I get a hold of her.  She requests that we meet yesterday at a certain time.  I agree.  She calls me two hours later and asks if she could reschedule.  I don't whine about it and I agree to the change.

Now get this... I drive my ass all the way over there and I stand in an empty lobby for like ten minutes.  Suddenly out of nowhere, this warehouse worker guy comes out and looks at me as if I'm crazy.  I tell him I'm here for an interview and he goes ahead and looks around for that HR person.

"She went for the day mang"

"You gotta to be kidding me..."

"No mang.. she's went home already"

I guess my facial expressions weren't hiding anytime soon and he decides to ask someone else.

An English lady pops out of the back office and then asks that I fill out an application.

As I'm filling it out, two of them come into the conference room and begin interviewing me.  None of them being the HR person.  Then a gentleman comes in and interviews me.  You could tell the vibe isn't there nor is their experience in hiring personnel. 

Fifteen minutes into the meeting, they conclude it and then go about their business..

I've never seen such a weird company before and wtf is wrong with the HR lady?  How does HR flake out on their own interviews?

Do you guys ever have weird stories like this?

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Why do I find this soo interesting to watch?

Youtube involves a girl eating Haribo gummy bears.. but I'm entranced by it..

Am I crazy?

Also in other news, I watched an episode of Dora.. and man it's so much more informative than Mr. Rogers..

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Speaking of complaining about co-workers...

I have to admit, I enjoyed all of the comments you guys posted.  I've totally dealt with people who reenact their "Macho" scenarios.

I laughed pretty hard with that one youtube of Seinfeld. Jesus.. it's bad bro. It was that bad.

I was at work today and I have another co-worker that a has a tendency to:

1) Talk about herself.
2) I can actually hear her chew her food.. three offices down from me.

She's a very nice person.. but she has a tendency to purposely try and be the center of attention. If she's talking on the phone to her boyfriend, she'll pretty much declare it to the whole building. I can actually hear the lady with my door closed.. must be the vents. There was one conversation she had.. that was just classic. It was sounded harmless at first and then it just turned for the worst:

"Baby, I was thinking... Should we eat El Pollo(Fast food restaurant that serves chicken related products) tonight?"
(Bf responds... obviously I can't hear him)
"Oh. I just thought it would be nice... we'd have kind of a romantic evening."
(Bf reponds...)
"Look... you know I can't cook."
(Bf responds...)
"What do you mean we eat El Pollo all the time?"
(Bf responds...)
"You're such an asshole, you know that?"
(Bf responds...)
"Look... I've told you. I said I'd try it once. I just didn't like it. It was a mess and I was all embarrassed."
(Bf responds...)
"Hey asshole! What do you expect? You stick in there, you're going to get shit!"

Yeah.. the girl curses like a sailor and I have to admit.. she looks like one too. I'm pretty sure most of the people who have their own offices heard little buttocks story and let's just say she's somewhat avoided at all times. Why do people always have to blare out their business to everyone...I do not know.

And her eating.. it's so loud. I don't know if she has some sort of breathing problems.. but I'll literally hear her chewing her food. Like "NOM NOM NOM NOM." The girl really enjoys her food.

I've heard her fart on occasion. She sometimes stays late and she thinks no ones in the office and she'll just cut one. I'm not talking about a weeny fart. I'm talking about those farts (Hey.. we've all fart) where it sounds like a demolition team taking out decrepit buildings. And get this.. she'll literally laugh outload from her own farts!!! What the hell!

I can't make this up... I can't..

Monday, September 20, 2010

Something that really annoys me...

So, I was having a conversation with a co-worker and were discussing our accounts and figuring what our next plan of action would be.

Co-worker:"Hey, so XXX company is looking to open up their channel sales department"

Me:"Oh serious? That's pretty cool. It seems like you'll be getting some extra revenue."

Co-worker:"Yeah man. I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing. I mean what are the odds that I have an account that's about to unleash some heavy commission."

(He begins to inch closer)

Me: Uh.. yeah. I know. It's gonna be some smooth sailing for you man.

(He moves in closer to me)

Co-worker: "YEAH DUDE! OH MY GOD. I've been stressing about my quota this quarter, but now I can actually breathe"

(The dude is literally three inches from my face amd I'm literally smelling what he had for lunch. He had a hotdog from Costco.. I just know it.)

Me: Yeah "(I stall and I look at my cellphone). Looks like I gotta head into a conference call. I'll talk to you later bro."

Personal space. I can't stand it when people don't acknowledge a person's space. I mean if I actually puckered my lips, I would have been kissing the guy for chrissakes.

Do any of you guys deal with this?

Short post.. but I thought I'd do this before heading off to bed.

I've been having problems sleeping recently and I noticed this song really helps me go to bed. I feel like I'm kind of in a trance when I listen to Nujabes-Love Sic 2
Check it out. Peace.

Saturday, September 18, 2010

My land lady.. Mrs. Heffhauser.

I have a crazy land lady that is a fan of booze. Chug a lug. Chug a lug.

She has tendencies of knocking on my door at around 1am in the morning for the most dumbest reasons. This 50 year old lady will literally walk up to my stairs and will knock and knock and knock until I open the door.

*Knock Knock Knock*

"Yes, Mrs. Heffhauser?"

"Hey (my name), did you know that they actually play old game shows on Nick at Nite sometimes?"

"Uh.. No I didn't, Mrs. Heffhauser."

"I thought you Orientals... knew everything?"

"Um.. actually I failed math in high school."

"Then you're not Oriental. You're White like me."

"Uh.. ok Mrs. Heffhauser."

"You're a good guy (my name). There's some shnapps and some some chardonnay in the fridge if you want some."

"Thanks for the offer, Mrs. Heffhauser, but I need to be up for work in about five hours so I'll be needing my sleep."

"You Orientals, are so hard working. Jesus by golly, you guys need to just relax a bit and enjoy life. Bunch of ants you are.."

So yeah.. I swear I live in a town filled with crazy people. And what the hell? Orientals? Am I in the 1800's? Should I be drinking some phosphate and ask some drinks to a soda jerker?

And like most of you guys are she's not trying to get in my pants. She's just a genuinely lonely person. I don't think her kids want to hang out with her since she's not exactly normal. But she means well. She'll occasionally will leave plates of cookies at my doorstep.. but will fail to realize that ants will get into it.. I haven't had the heart to tell her ...

Thank God it's Friday

Sent in a ginormous amounts of emails out to companies and went to a recruitment agency.

I wasn't really much of a fan for recruiting.  I had a sinking feeling that it would turn into a temp agency and that's what it came to be.  I have nothing against temp agencies.. but I graduated from college and I hoped that I wouldn't be stuck in a temp position typing 35 WPM and faxing out files for 10 bucks an hour.  I mean jeez... I'm too old for that.  If this was college, this would have been a goldmine.

Kind of tired from posting today.  Will post something worthwhile tomorrow.

Friday, September 17, 2010

Whoa.. such positive responses of Lupita. PART DEUX

So here we go.  I really do hate to burst your bubbles, but I haven't taken a picture of her.  But, what I did as a consolation prize is take a picture of the note she left me.
Let's first take a look see on what she wrote:

Ok.  It's getting borderline creepy here. 

I forgive you.
You are special to me.
You know me.
I like you.
I maek (not my spelling error) you like me.
We talk later.


So I didn't really stay at work the other night and went home for the day early.  I came back the next morning (the other day) and I saw this written on one of my notepads.  I'll be honest.  I was pretty scared.  So again, instead of working in my office, I took off like a bat out of hell. 

And what the hell is this, "I forgive you" bullcrap?!  Forgive me for what?  I wasn't too clear on this.
I get the whole you're special to me.  I mean.. she would suck so furiously on those butterscotches when she was talking to me..
"You know me" bit was a bit awkward.  I would chat with her, but I wouldn't ask her about her likes and dislikes.  Hell .. for all I know she might be allergic to peanuts.. I don't know you LUPITA.
"I like you" bit was pretty self explanatory.
"I maek you like me" was just scary.  So.. are you going to take advantage of me while I'm crunching on some numbers?  Are you going to knock me out with one of your mops and start french kissing me with what's left of your teeth and smearing me with butterscotch (I do have a vivid imagination.  It's a curse and a blessing).
"We talk later" Not if I can help it.  But I'm kind of worried here.  I wasn't exactly sure how to pinpoint her schedule so I'm scared she just might drop on by and corner me in my office with Mexican candy or maybe even worse..physically touch me.

In other news. I managed to work out a job interview with one of these recruiting agencies.  I'm really hoping I can see some opportunity there.  Wonder how I'm going to pull this one off when I have to be at work by 9am and the interview is at 9:45am..

....I still can't over the whole sniffing my clothes bit. 

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lupita responds...hahaha

Well what do you know.. it was her after all.

I'll take a picture of it in my next post since I'm an idiot and left it at the office. I think you guys will be amazed at the crap she tried to pull on me. It wasn't classy nor was it dignified..

Jesus, I need to find another job that will give me the down time to work on my GMATS. I've been applying like crazy. One of them was to a gaming company that synonymous to Winter and also I have an interview lined up with some job recruiter place. I really hope I can pull this off. The pay that I get right now would make any migrant worker laugh at me... yes. It's that sad.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Link Bucks! *update*

I heard that LinkBucks is another way of getting some revenue.  Let's see if this is the case.

Ok, I took out the annoying link. I don't think I want to do this.

Playing hookie is sweeeet. Take that job!

Also, I don't see a point in having you guys posting your URL. I know what you're URL is. Don't worry. I got you.

Lupita and Starbucks girl...

So I actually left her a note.  Obviously, I didn't go that crazy with the sarcasm. 

I actually bought her a card from one of those Hallmark Stores and I pretty much wrote:

Dear Lupita,

Thanks so much for being so nice to me. I appreciate the fact that you clean my room first.  My girlfriend (wink wink) came in the other day and commented on how clean my office was.  I told her that it was all because of you.

Thank you again.
Mr. Smith

See?  It was very politically correct.  I let her know subtly that I had a girlfriend (granted it's imaginary) and hopefully that'll put a stop to things.  Hopefully.  I'm sure I'll get a response from her.

On my way to work today, I decided to pick a cup of joe from Starbucks.  There is this really cute girl that works there.  She's probably in her early to mid twenties.  She's about five foot four.  She's either Chinese or Korean.  She has big eyes and her smile is just makes my knees buckle.

"Hi? What can I get for ya?"

"Uh.  I'll just have a black coffee.. venti."

"Not a problem.  How's your day coming along?"


I wasn't expecting a conversation with this cute girl and I stammered... and I blurted out something so retarded...

I said, " Why do you want to know?"  I have a feeling I might have shouted at her ... I'm probably blocking all this mentally. 

WTF.  The girl just gave me a look. A look of disgust.  She rolled her eyes and began to making my coffee.

She made my coffee, called out my number and began giving me the cold shoulder.

I wanted to apologize, but the little balls that I had left were no longer there and I retreated into my car.

I'm such a dumbass.. I swear.

Monday, September 13, 2010

Nujabes makes me relaaax....

It's been yet another short weekend.  I've been looking at job postings for the past weekend.  Apologize for the delayed posts, but fuggit about it.. 

Thanks for all your posts.  Yeah, I'm really looking forward to the next couple of weeks.  I think it's the cleaning lady as well.  We'll just call her Lupita.  I'm thinking about writing her a "Dear John" letter.  I think it'll go something like this:

"Dear Lupita,

Thank you so much for the sentiments(I don't think she'll understand what sentiment means)...I mean for you caring and taking the time out of your busy hectic schedule and cleaning my office first. 

I really like the fact that you leave all these little trinkets, candy....I mean mexican candies (LUCAS).  And I like to note.. the Virgin de Guadalupe candle was really touching.  I like how you purposely try and talk to me in your broken English even when you notice me packing up my laptop away and putting my headset on it's charger.  I love the banter we had.  Especially our little quips with you asking me, "BASURA?" and then proceeding to point at my shoes and my dress shirts.  I love how you laugh at your own jokes and then gingerly sniff my jackets/coats right in front of my face and giving me the, "I'm looking sexy at you" look.

Your smile is so priceless.  You always seem to gingerly place a butterscotch where your front tooth should be. It's subtle yet intriguing.

Your butterscotch smile.  I can't help but not eat them anymore.  In honor of you, of course.

Alas(Too hard to understand) Unfortunately...I think it's time for us to close this chapter.  You're too good for me.  You have children and I just broke up with my ex not too long ago.  The maturity level is just skewed bad.  I'm too inexperienced not good for you.  I think we should move on with our lives.  I probably won't be here for long and I know the only way you get a hold of me is in person or on my desk line.

Let's just cherish the moments we've had and look forward to a brighter future.


Mr. Smith

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I think it's about time...

that I quit my job. 

Maybe I'm being too dramatic here.  There's a crapload of people out there that are unemployed and barely making ends meet.  But, feeling like I'm in hell everyday doesn't seem that appealing to me.  The constant calls from customers demanding results..

So I've decided to give myself until the end of September to decide what I want to do. 

Should I go back to school?
Should I go back into Sales?
Will it be different if I work for a different company?

So on to something I found quite unusual at work today:

Someone seems to be leaving little presents at my desk.  Sometimes it'll be a piece of candy.  Sometimes a card, but nothing is written inside of it.  Sometimes they'll organize my office.  Sometimes they'll doodle happy smiley faces on my notepads and post-it notes. 

Yeah.  Smiley faces...

I have no idea who it might be.  I'm really hoping it's not the janitorial ladies that clean up late at night.  There were instances where I'll be working late at night and I'll see them and say, "hello".  One of them had a few teeth missing and she'd always clean my office first... please God.. don't let it be her..

I'm sure I'll probably find out soon enough..

Friday, September 10, 2010

To the black lady that slapped her obnoxious child upside the head...

I'd like to say:

Thank you.  Your kid was driving me nuts with all the screaming and cursing she was doing near the water fountain...

You made my day. 

I seem to have a lot of work related issues/incidents..but here's one that really just felt uncomfortable.

It's a bit uncomfortable to read, but I'm sure you'll be fine with it.

So here I am using the restroom.  Not #1, but #2 mind you.

When out of nowhere, I hear some guy talking on the phone. 

Hell.. he's probably going to take a leak and mosey on out. 

No.   the dude hunkers on down to the stall next to me and starts rummaging through the ass gaskets and apparently finds the one he likes to use for his bomb raids...

Before I continue...I have a confession to make. 

I'm very shy when it comes to someone bodily functions.  I remember as a kid I would wait until everybody peed before I could do my business.  I think it had something to do with an incident when I was nine or so.  I was taking a leak at DisneyLand and this lumbering 50 year old pedo stands next to me and just gazes and my privates.  I mean seriously.. I'm small to begin with.. there's nothing really to see.  The mofo traumatized me. 

So back to the toilet escapade.

So obviously, I don't like want to continue my business when someone is around so I patiently wait.

I wait some more.

I try to play some BrickBreaker on my phone to pass the time. 

By now, the guy hung up his phone and was quiet as well.

I coughed.  Waited and nothing. 

Maybe he took a ninja dump and disappeared like a fart in the wind.. Peeked down and saw his shoes.. those ever loving slip-ons.

I finally came to the conclusion that were basically doing some sort of Mexican stand off.  The guy was obviously waiting for me to begin so he could do his bodily functions as well. 

I refused.  Sweat began to form on my face.  I heard the guy grunt.  I played it cool and just puckered up. 

What felt like 2 hours was in fact two minutes. 

The guy finally caved.  And man did he cave.  It felt  and sounded like he was releasing pure spiteful poop devils  from his bowels.  Few seconds later, the smell kicked in.  I gagged a bit.  My eyes started tearing up.  I tried plugging my nose and then realized that i was probably eating his ass particles from breathing with my mouth open...

The dude flushed four times.  Called someone up again and then proceeded to leave restroom without washing his hands.

Long story short:  I couldn't even #2.  I ate ass particles.  I think I'm constipated now.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Finally at home.

Just got back from work.  What a pain in the butt that was.  11pm and I'm finally home.

I'd like to continue my rants about work:

I had an interesting conversation with one of my customers:

A: Yeah, after the billing review, I was wondering if you had some time for dinner?
ME: Well uh um...that was somewhat off topic.

A: I know.. I'm sorry if I threw you for a loop there. 
ME: Uh.. I know.. I mean. It's alright... but I'm just your consultant.

We have a ten second pause here.  I make the occasional cough and I'm scared shitless...

A: So are you good with children?

Ok.. that pretty much took the cake there.  AM I GOOD WITH CHILDREN?!  Lady, you're fifteen years older and you want to date me?  So you're asking me if I'll get along with your kids?  I mean jeez, I met you in person a total of two times and I've talked to you on the phone (BUSINESS RELATED) about a dozen times. 

To make a long story short... I pretty much said I couldn't make it.  Who knows, I might lose the account over this uncomfortable incident. 

But... to all the other ladies out there.. yes.  I am great with kids. 

Monday, September 6, 2010

Date night with Mr. Smith

So to preface my date, I met her at the bookstore.  She caught my attention from the way she was playing with her hair.  She wasn't just twirling it with her finger, but she was actually nibbling on it as she was reading. She had a dark auburn hair that draped over her shoulders and her bangs were cut in a way that you could tell that she cut them herself. 

I was immediately attracted to her.  Her clumsiness is what sparked my interest.  Also, her choice in books (Adult Romance novels.. I kid.  I kid) is also something I found hot and sexy.  Your writer, Mr. Smith had puppy love for this girl.  Her light brown hazel eyes made me turn to mush.  I was sputtering and stammering in inchoerent sentences to see if she was interested in having some coffee with me. 

She looked at me for a few seconds and you could tell she was trying to see what was inside of me. Trying to size me up.

Was I going to hurt her?

Was I going to make her cry?

"Sure. Let's go"

My heart jumped out of my chest and ran up to my throat.  She slowly got up from the floor and we walked out of Borders Bookstore and went into a coffee shop.   She had your typical white tank top and a brown khaki shorts. Your summer gear.  She wore these sandals that lazily followed behind her feet. The clipped and clopped as the sandals hit her soles.  It was cute.

"What would you like to have?"

"What do you think I'll like?"

I cursed at myself silently.  I was never good at reading people nor pleasing them.

I order two mocha chocolate coffee.  It was getting kind of chilly that night so I asked that they make it hot for us. 

As were waiting for our drinks to be made.  I start to make small talk.

We find out that she's originally from Chicago and was here to check out some job opportunities.  She's been here for a few weeks and she still hasn't decided what she wanted to do. 

I sympathized with her and told her that it must be tough especially in this day and age to find a job worth pursuing. 

Coffee is finished and as I'm walking to a table, she begins to walk towards the bookstore again.

Puzzled...I call out to her.

"I just got a call from my boyfriend.  He's waiting for me at the parking lot for me.  It was nice meeting you."


Goodnight sweet prince..

What really pisses me off part deux

The List continues because I felt like it:

-People that pick their noses while they're driving.  I'm seriously.  Do that shit in the privacy of your own home.  I don't want to see you mining for gold bro. I especially hate it when hot girls do it while there's traffic.  I feel so torn and conflicted.  The girl is hot, but then she pulls out this weird inorganic strand of crap.. it just makes me limp. ... down there.

-People who always seem to 1 up the conversation:
 -Joe Blow #1: Yeah. I heard Shelly had a mean accident last night.  I heard she won't be getting out of the hospital anytime soon.  Sucks to hear that man.
 -Douchebag #1: Dude.. you don't understand how long for me to get into the hospital.  I was there for like a week. It was boring as hell.
I'm seriously... do you really have to do that?  You attention whore. 

-This one guy that I used to work with all the time. Freaked the hell out of me. Remember the nerdy guy from Office Space?  He's exactly like that.  This guy was a humongous tub of lard.  All he would do is talk about how his wife was rich and so respected as a person.. He would say how much he loved her and how sex isn't a big deal to him anymore.. but then he'll go the strip clubs with me and talk to these single parent ladies on the phone or text them.  I mean come on...and then he would mutter obscenties and threats to you.  There were many occasions where he would mutter shit like, "you fucking dumbass" and then proceed to smile and tell you whatever you asked for his assistance on.  Other times, he's thrown temper tantrums because he couldn't get a window seat at the office.  For fuck sakes man, we live in a CUBICLE!  WHO GIVES A FLYING ASS WHERE WE SIT? 

Enough for today.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Some things that annoy me..

-People who chew with their mouth open.
-Girls that say, "I just want to be friends."
-Cranky fat people.  I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?
-Traffic in California.
-If in doubt... movie actors will resort to some sort of UK accent.  Ex: Prince of Persia
-That I'm very broke. 
-When a fat girl steals the last chocolate chip cookie at Home Town Buffet. 
-Immigrants who take my country for granted. 
-People who complain about how immigrants have taken jobs away from them.  Honestly, I can't imagine any of you lazy pieces of crap slaving away in the hot sun.  Most of us complain about how we don't have anything, but opportunity is there.  Do you really think you can't get a job at some sort of fast food restaurant?!  Come on.. at least my meals will be taken down correctly.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Saturday and I'm at work...f*ck~!

In my past blog, some of you people were mentioning that it would have been a great way to get in good with my boss.

When my boss said, "It would be great to come in on Saturday" to catch up on work... he meant that I should come in.

Not him.

So here I am at the office.. like a douche during Labor Day weekend...  It's just downright embarrassing. 

Apparently, the cleaning/maintanence crew comes in earl on weekends and I just got laughed at by some Mexican lady with an apron and a feather duster in her hand.

Mexican lady: So, you behind?

Me: Yeah.  I have a few things to catch up on. 

Mexican lady:  Ooh.  HAHAAHAH I feel bad for you.  Pobre si nino.

Me:  ....uh yeah.  

So there you have it.  Even a mexican lady with a minimum wage job even feels sorry for me.  My life sucks.

Friday, September 3, 2010

Whatever you do, take a shit before you drive to work.

I live in a heavily congested area and I should have known this.  But, I was late and I really needed to get into work on time.

Please also keep in mind that I had a humongous as dinner.  Fast Food feast.  It truly was.

Me being the dumbass that I am decided to take off before my daily ritual.  

Fast forward ten minutes and here we are.  I'm stuck in traffic.  I really gotta take a crap.  I feel the bubble guts coming along. 

You know what I'm talking about.  You want to fart, but you're too afraid to open the flood gates type?

God, if I crap my pants on the way there, I'm going to kill myself..

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thursdays are another way of telling me that I'm fu*king loser.

Here's a "great" dialogue I had with my manager:

Me: So, I had this question about this assignment.  The accounts seem to be having some issues with blah blah blah ( I won't bore you with the specifics).

Boss: Oh well yeah.  That's why we had you come on board.

Me: I appreciate that, but I'm still trying to figure things out here.

Boss:  Well how about this?  I know you're busy Monday through Friday.  How about you come in on Saturday to do some catch up work?  I'm sure with you coming in on Saturdays, you'll be up on in no time. 


I swear I think I've hit Dante's Inferno and this is just the tip of the iceberg...

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

I hate Wednesdays just as much as Mondays

I thought I'd share some info before I go apeshit.

I recently came on board and took over some accounts.  It was horrible.  The person who left prior to me coming on board messed up everything.

I had work literally the minute I walked in.  No training, no 2 week get out of jail card.  It was just crap.

So here I am cleaning and I have co-workers who are sitting next to me giggling about trivial stuff.  Not only that, they want me to join in with them.

Seriously.. I do not have time to sit and shoot the breeze with you folks.  I really do not care if you your step daughter got arrested for a DUI.  I really don't care that you had a flat tire when coming into work.  I sure as hell do not care that you have a sinking suspicion that your girlfriend is cheating on you.  Chances are I'm probably the guy that's messing around with your girlfriend.

Why is it that when you're swamped, you have people who constantly drop by your cubicle and ask me how my day is coming along.

.Officemate Cubicle Clips, Assorted Colors, Box of 24 (30178)

Are you there God? It's me, dumbass

Like a fat kid eating cake, I haven't been able to breathe well.

Wait. What?

This was meant to be daily devotion of being thankful and I managed to shit that down the toilet.

Here goes:


Life fucking sucks. I Hate My Job (Explicit Album Version)