My land lady.. Mrs. Heffhauser.

I have a crazy land lady that is a fan of booze. Chug a lug. Chug a lug.


She has tendencies of knocking on my door at around 1am in the morning for the most dumbest reasons. This 50 year old lady will literally walk up to my stairs and will knock and knock and knock until I open the door.



*Knock Knock Knock*




"Yes, Mrs. Heffhauser?"

"Hey (my name), did you know that they actually play old game shows on Nick at Nite sometimes?"

"Uh.. No I didn't, Mrs. Heffhauser."

"I thought you Orientals... knew everything?"

"Um.. actually I failed math in high school."

"Then you're not Oriental. You're White like me."

"Uh.. ok Mrs. Heffhauser."

"You're a good guy (my name). There's some shnapps and some some chardonnay in the fridge if you want some."

"Thanks for the offer, Mrs. Heffhauser, but I need to be up for work in about five hours so I'll be needing my sleep."

"You Orientals, are so hard working. Jesus by golly, you guys need to just relax a bit and enjoy life. Bunch of ants you are.."



So yeah.. I swear I live in a town filled with crazy people. And what the hell? Orientals? Am I in the 1800's? Should I be drinking some phosphate and ask some drinks to a soda jerker?


And like most of you guys are wondering..no she's not trying to get in my pants. She's just a genuinely lonely person. I don't think her kids want to hang out with her since she's not exactly normal. But she means well. She'll occasionally will leave plates of cookies at my doorstep.. but will fail to realize that ants will get into it.. I haven't had the heart to tell her ...