What really pisses me off part deux

The List continues because I felt like it:


-People that pick their noses while they're driving.  I'm seriously.  Do that shit in the privacy of your own home.  I don't want to see you mining for gold bro. I especially hate it when hot girls do it while there's traffic.  I feel so torn and conflicted.  The girl is hot, but then she pulls out this weird inorganic strand of crap.. it just makes me limp. ... down there.

-People who always seem to 1 up the conversation:
 -Joe Blow #1: Yeah. I heard Shelly had a mean accident last night.  I heard she won't be getting out of the hospital anytime soon.  Sucks to hear that man.
 -Douchebag #1: Dude.. you don't understand how long for me to get into the hospital.  I was there for like a week. It was boring as hell.
I'm seriously... do you really have to do that?  You attention whore. 


-This one guy that I used to work with all the time. Freaked the hell out of me. Remember the nerdy guy from Office Space?  He's exactly like that.  This guy was a humongous tub of lard.  All he would do is talk about how his wife was rich and so respected as a person.. He would say how much he loved her and how sex isn't a big deal to him anymore.. but then he'll go the strip clubs with me and talk to these single parent ladies on the phone or text them.  I mean come on...and then he would mutter obscenties and threats to you.  There were many occasions where he would mutter shit like, "you fucking dumbass" and then proceed to smile and tell you whatever you asked for his assistance on.  Other times, he's thrown temper tantrums because he couldn't get a window seat at the office.  For fuck sakes man, we live in a CUBICLE!  WHO GIVES A FLYING ASS WHERE WE SIT? 



Enough for today.

Whatever you do, take a shit before you drive to work.

I live in a heavily congested area and I should have known this.  But, I was late and I really needed to get into work on time.

Please also keep in mind that I had a humongous as dinner.  Fast Food feast.  It truly was.

Me being the dumbass that I am decided to take off before my daily ritual.  

Fast forward ten minutes and here we are.  I'm stuck in traffic.  I really gotta take a crap.  I feel the bubble guts coming along. 

You know what I'm talking about.  You want to fart, but you're too afraid to open the flood gates type?


God, if I crap my pants on the way there, I'm going to kill myself..