Last one before I hit the road to Vegas... (Strawberries and Cream?)

God.. I would totally do this if I had a little sister. She's sounds so annoying..

Speaking of complaining about co-workers...

I have to admit, I enjoyed all of the comments you guys posted.  I've totally dealt with people who reenact their "Macho" scenarios.

I laughed pretty hard with that one youtube of Seinfeld. Jesus.. it's bad bro. It was that bad.

I was at work today and I have another co-worker that a has a tendency to:

1) Talk about herself.
2) I can actually hear her chew her food.. three offices down from me.


She's a very nice person.. but she has a tendency to purposely try and be the center of attention. If she's talking on the phone to her boyfriend, she'll pretty much declare it to the whole building. I can actually hear the lady with my door closed.. must be the vents. There was one conversation she had.. that was just classic. It was sounded harmless at first and then it just turned for the worst:

"Baby, I was thinking... Should we eat El Pollo(Fast food restaurant that serves chicken related products) tonight?"
(Bf responds... obviously I can't hear him)
"Oh. I just thought it would be nice... we'd have kind of a romantic evening."
(Bf reponds...)
"Look... you know I can't cook."
(Bf responds...)
"What do you mean we eat El Pollo all the time?"
(Bf responds...)
"You're such an asshole, you know that?"
(Bf responds...)
"Look... I've told you. I said I'd try it once. I just didn't like it. It was a mess and I was all embarrassed."
(Bf responds...)
"Hey asshole! What do you expect? You stick in there, you're going to get shit!"

Yeah.. the girl curses like a sailor and I have to admit.. she looks like one too. I'm pretty sure most of the people who have their own offices heard little buttocks story and let's just say she's somewhat avoided at all times. Why do people always have to blare out their business to everyone...I do not know.


And her eating.. it's so loud. I don't know if she has some sort of breathing problems.. but I'll literally hear her chewing her food. Like "NOM NOM NOM NOM." The girl really enjoys her food.

I've heard her fart on occasion. She sometimes stays late and she thinks no ones in the office and she'll just cut one. I'm not talking about a weeny fart. I'm talking about those farts (Hey.. we've all fart) where it sounds like a demolition team taking out decrepit buildings. And get this.. she'll literally laugh outload from her own farts!!! What the hell!

I can't make this up... I can't..

Lupita and Starbucks girl...

So I actually left her a note.  Obviously, I didn't go that crazy with the sarcasm. 

I actually bought her a card from one of those Hallmark Stores and I pretty much wrote:

Dear Lupita,

Thanks so much for being so nice to me. I appreciate the fact that you clean my room first.  My girlfriend (wink wink) came in the other day and commented on how clean my office was.  I told her that it was all because of you.


Thank you again.
Mr. Smith



See?  It was very politically correct.  I let her know subtly that I had a girlfriend (granted it's imaginary) and hopefully that'll put a stop to things.  Hopefully.  I'm sure I'll get a response from her.

On my way to work today, I decided to pick a cup of joe from Starbucks.  There is this really cute girl that works there.  She's probably in her early to mid twenties.  She's about five foot four.  She's either Chinese or Korean.  She has big eyes and her smile is just makes my knees buckle.

"Hi? What can I get for ya?"

"Uh.  I'll just have a black coffee.. venti."

"Not a problem.  How's your day coming along?"

"Huh?"

I wasn't expecting a conversation with this cute girl and I stammered... and I blurted out something so retarded...

I said, " Why do you want to know?"  I have a feeling I might have shouted at her ... I'm probably blocking all this mentally. 

WTF.  The girl just gave me a look. A look of disgust.  She rolled her eyes and began to making my coffee.

She made my coffee, called out my number and began giving me the cold shoulder.

I wanted to apologize, but the little balls that I had left were no longer there and I retreated into my car.


I'm such a dumbass.. I swear.

To the black lady that slapped her obnoxious child upside the head...

I'd like to say:

Thank you.  Your kid was driving me nuts with all the screaming and cursing she was doing near the water fountain...

You made my day. 


I seem to have a lot of work related issues/incidents..but here's one that really just felt uncomfortable.

It's a bit uncomfortable to read, but I'm sure you'll be fine with it.

So here I am using the restroom.  Not #1, but #2 mind you.

When out of nowhere, I hear some guy talking on the phone. 

Hell.. he's probably going to take a leak and mosey on out. 

No.   the dude hunkers on down to the stall next to me and starts rummaging through the ass gaskets and apparently finds the one he likes to use for his bomb raids...

Before I continue...I have a confession to make. 

I'm very shy when it comes to someone bodily functions.  I remember as a kid I would wait until everybody peed before I could do my business.  I think it had something to do with an incident when I was nine or so.  I was taking a leak at DisneyLand and this lumbering 50 year old pedo stands next to me and just gazes and my privates.  I mean seriously.. I'm small to begin with.. there's nothing really to see.  The mofo traumatized me. 

So back to the toilet escapade.


So obviously, I don't like want to continue my business when someone is around so I patiently wait.

I wait some more.

I try to play some BrickBreaker on my phone to pass the time. 

By now, the guy hung up his phone and was quiet as well.

I coughed.  Waited and nothing. 

Maybe he took a ninja dump and disappeared like a fart in the wind.. Peeked down and saw his shoes.. those ever loving slip-ons.

I finally came to the conclusion that were basically doing some sort of Mexican stand off.  The guy was obviously waiting for me to begin so he could do his bodily functions as well. 

I refused.  Sweat began to form on my face.  I heard the guy grunt.  I played it cool and just puckered up. 

What felt like 2 hours was in fact two minutes. 

The guy finally caved.  And man did he cave.  It felt  and sounded like he was releasing pure spiteful poop devils  from his bowels.  Few seconds later, the smell kicked in.  I gagged a bit.  My eyes started tearing up.  I tried plugging my nose and then realized that i was probably eating his ass particles from breathing with my mouth open...

The dude flushed four times.  Called someone up again and then proceeded to leave restroom without washing his hands.

Long story short:  I couldn't even #2.  I ate ass particles.  I think I'm constipated now.