Friday, September 10, 2010

To the black lady that slapped her obnoxious child upside the head...

I'd like to say:

Thank you.  Your kid was driving me nuts with all the screaming and cursing she was doing near the water fountain...

You made my day. 


I seem to have a lot of work related issues/incidents..but here's one that really just felt uncomfortable.

It's a bit uncomfortable to read, but I'm sure you'll be fine with it.

So here I am using the restroom.  Not #1, but #2 mind you.

When out of nowhere, I hear some guy talking on the phone. 

Hell.. he's probably going to take a leak and mosey on out. 

No.   the dude hunkers on down to the stall next to me and starts rummaging through the ass gaskets and apparently finds the one he likes to use for his bomb raids...

Before I continue...I have a confession to make. 

I'm very shy when it comes to someone bodily functions.  I remember as a kid I would wait until everybody peed before I could do my business.  I think it had something to do with an incident when I was nine or so.  I was taking a leak at DisneyLand and this lumbering 50 year old pedo stands next to me and just gazes and my privates.  I mean seriously.. I'm small to begin with.. there's nothing really to see.  The mofo traumatized me. 

So back to the toilet escapade.


So obviously, I don't like want to continue my business when someone is around so I patiently wait.

I wait some more.

I try to play some BrickBreaker on my phone to pass the time. 

By now, the guy hung up his phone and was quiet as well.

I coughed.  Waited and nothing. 

Maybe he took a ninja dump and disappeared like a fart in the wind.. Peeked down and saw his shoes.. those ever loving slip-ons.

I finally came to the conclusion that were basically doing some sort of Mexican stand off.  The guy was obviously waiting for me to begin so he could do his bodily functions as well. 

I refused.  Sweat began to form on my face.  I heard the guy grunt.  I played it cool and just puckered up. 

What felt like 2 hours was in fact two minutes. 

The guy finally caved.  And man did he cave.  It felt  and sounded like he was releasing pure spiteful poop devils  from his bowels.  Few seconds later, the smell kicked in.  I gagged a bit.  My eyes started tearing up.  I tried plugging my nose and then realized that i was probably eating his ass particles from breathing with my mouth open...

The dude flushed four times.  Called someone up again and then proceeded to leave restroom without washing his hands.

Long story short:  I couldn't even #2.  I ate ass particles.  I think I'm constipated now.

46 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  2. wtf. how can such things happen? good post

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  3. That's a great great story. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

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  4. read everything.. loled..

    loled even harder when I saw your the tags! xD

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  5. lol sometimes kids need constructive criticism and a smack in the head every now and then

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  6. what an interesting perspective...

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  7. sometimes i dont like unleashing until im alone. but sometmes i fucking go hiroshima on the toilet and scare children across the building with my bowels. its epic

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  8. haha I always think that.. breathe with mouth open = eating whatever thing you do not want to smell ;D

    love your posts, they make my day :D

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  9. lmao next time just squeeze one out and show him what's up.

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  10. nice blog that looks cool man !;)
    supporting & following you;)

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  11. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  12. showin daily support for cool blogs!
    View and follow me bro?

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  13. I still have yet to poop in a public restroom. It's nerveracking!

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  14. i like how you gave up on motivation. hilarious ;p

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  15. haha, good read, black southern women make me laugh, gotta love em!

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  16. Yeah, I just try to hold it in until I can get home.

    5 hours is my current record.

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  17. Dude, I'm the same way about doing my business around other people and I used to experience this quite a lot. I eventually just taught myself to only take craps around the time when I'm at home.

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  18. Same, i just went to different floor with no body inside to poop, i just don't want anyone hear my pooping and farting. :( so sad.

    <3
    Sillyoldbum

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  19. oh lol
    following please return the favour :)

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  20. used to have to go in the Marines, no doors, no stalls, just 10 shitters, 5 a side, facing, 3 feet apart, and a line of guys waiting for the next empty seat...talk about pressure. And they would offer critiques of your wiping techniques as well.

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