What really pisses me off part deux

The List continues because I felt like it:


-People that pick their noses while they're driving.  I'm seriously.  Do that shit in the privacy of your own home.  I don't want to see you mining for gold bro. I especially hate it when hot girls do it while there's traffic.  I feel so torn and conflicted.  The girl is hot, but then she pulls out this weird inorganic strand of crap.. it just makes me limp. ... down there.

-People who always seem to 1 up the conversation:
 -Joe Blow #1: Yeah. I heard Shelly had a mean accident last night.  I heard she won't be getting out of the hospital anytime soon.  Sucks to hear that man.
 -Douchebag #1: Dude.. you don't understand how long for me to get into the hospital.  I was there for like a week. It was boring as hell.
I'm seriously... do you really have to do that?  You attention whore. 


-This one guy that I used to work with all the time. Freaked the hell out of me. Remember the nerdy guy from Office Space?  He's exactly like that.  This guy was a humongous tub of lard.  All he would do is talk about how his wife was rich and so respected as a person.. He would say how much he loved her and how sex isn't a big deal to him anymore.. but then he'll go the strip clubs with me and talk to these single parent ladies on the phone or text them.  I mean come on...and then he would mutter obscenties and threats to you.  There were many occasions where he would mutter shit like, "you fucking dumbass" and then proceed to smile and tell you whatever you asked for his assistance on.  Other times, he's thrown temper tantrums because he couldn't get a window seat at the office.  For fuck sakes man, we live in a CUBICLE!  WHO GIVES A FLYING ASS WHERE WE SIT? 



Enough for today.

Some things that annoy me..

-People who chew with their mouth open.
-Girls that say, "I just want to be friends."
-Cranky fat people.  I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?
-Traffic in California.
-If in doubt... movie actors will resort to some sort of UK accent.  Ex: Prince of Persia
-That I'm very broke. 
-When a fat girl steals the last chocolate chip cookie at Home Town Buffet. 
-Immigrants who take my country for granted. 
-For some reason Wendy's employees always seem to mess up my order.  IT'S NOT HARD MOFOS.. I WANT A BACON CHEESEBURGER WITH CHICKEN NUGGETS.  HOW DOES THAT TRANSLATE TO A CHOCOLATE SHAKE?!
-People who complain about how immigrants have taken jobs away from them.  Honestly, I can't imagine any of you lazy pieces of crap slaving away in the hot sun.  Most of us complain about how we don't have anything, but opportunity is there.  Do you really think you can't get a job at some sort of fast food restaurant?!  Come on.. at least my meals will be taken down correctly.

Saturday and I'm at work...f*ck~!

In my past blog, some of you people were mentioning that it would have been a great way to get in good with my boss.

When my boss said, "It would be great to come in on Saturday" to catch up on work... he meant that I should come in.

Not him.

So here I am at the office.. like a douche during Labor Day weekend...  It's just downright embarrassing. 

Apparently, the cleaning/maintanence crew comes in earl on weekends and I just got laughed at by some Mexican lady with an apron and a feather duster in her hand.


Mexican lady: So, you behind?

Me: Yeah.  I have a few things to catch up on. 

Mexican lady:  Ooh.  HAHAAHAH I feel bad for you.  Pobre si nino.

Me:  ....uh yeah.  

So there you have it.  Even a mexican lady with a minimum wage job even feels sorry for me.  My life sucks.

Whatever you do, take a shit before you drive to work.

I live in a heavily congested area and I should have known this.  But, I was late and I really needed to get into work on time.

Please also keep in mind that I had a humongous as dinner.  Fast Food feast.  It truly was.

Me being the dumbass that I am decided to take off before my daily ritual.  

Fast forward ten minutes and here we are.  I'm stuck in traffic.  I really gotta take a crap.  I feel the bubble guts coming along. 

You know what I'm talking about.  You want to fart, but you're too afraid to open the flood gates type?


God, if I crap my pants on the way there, I'm going to kill myself..

Thursdays are another way of telling me that I'm fu*king loser.

Here's a "great" dialogue I had with my manager:

Me: So, I had this question about this assignment.  The accounts seem to be having some issues with blah blah blah ( I won't bore you with the specifics).

Boss: Oh well yeah.  That's why we had you come on board.

Me: I appreciate that, but I'm still trying to figure things out here.

Boss:  Well how about this?  I know you're busy Monday through Friday.  How about you come in on Saturday to do some catch up work?  I'm sure with you coming in on Saturdays, you'll be up on in no time. 



Yeah. THE MAN SAID TO COME IN ON SATURDAYS!!!!!


I swear I think I've hit Dante's Inferno and this is just the tip of the iceberg...

I hate Wednesdays just as much as Mondays

I thought I'd share some info before I go apeshit.

I recently came on board and took over some accounts.  It was horrible.  The person who left prior to me coming on board messed up everything.


I had work literally the minute I walked in.  No training, no 2 week get out of jail card.  It was just crap.

So here I am cleaning and I have co-workers who are sitting next to me giggling about trivial stuff.  Not only that, they want me to join in with them.


Seriously.. I do not have time to sit and shoot the breeze with you folks.  I really do not care if you your step daughter got arrested for a DUI.  I really don't care that you had a flat tire when coming into work.  I sure as hell do not care that you have a sinking suspicion that your girlfriend is cheating on you.  Chances are I'm probably the guy that's messing around with your girlfriend.

Why is it that when you're swamped, you have people who constantly drop by your cubicle and ask me how my day is coming along.

BRO! I'M SWAMPED WITH WORK.  LEAVE ME ALONE
.

Are you there God? It's me, dumbass

Like a fat kid eating cake, I haven't been able to breathe well.

Wait. What?

This was meant to be daily devotion of being thankful and I managed to shit that down the toilet.


Here goes:

I AM THANKFUL THAT I HAVE A JOB.  A JOB THAT MAKES ME SHIT CHICKEN NUGGETS THE MINUTE I WALK INTO THE OFFICE.  A JOB THAT HAS CUSTOMERS CALLING IN AND YELLING AT ME BECAUSE I'M NOT DOING MY JOB.  A JOB THAT DOES NOT HAVE A TIME SCHEDULE.  8-5PM MY MONKEY ASS.

Life fucking sucks.