Office Space Printer Scene:

Who doesn't like Office Space?!

                          I hate my printer at work with a passion.  Especially when I have to double side..

                                  What are some horror stories that you have about office workers?

Crap that bothers me...

So lately, I've been watching a lot of television. Being unemployed does that to anybody. But, I'm beginning to notice something really annoying and it just pisses me off.

What I'm really angry about are celebrities.

Specifically.. they're celebrities that are actually supporting some sort of organization and they ask us common folk to give or donate.

What the fu*k?!

You guys have millions of dollars in your pockets and you want us to donate our hard earned money? Some of which required sweat and tears?

It just irks me. Instead of asking me to donate, why don't you take your own medicine and help them. I'm sure some of them donate money, but how easy would it be for you to recover the funds you donated?

What about Laquesha and her hard earned minimum wage? If she donated 50 bucks to the Stand Up to Cancer organization, that's probably a fourth of her weekly wage. 50 bucks is a latte and probably a nice lunch in West Hollywood.

I'm done ranting.. but if you're a celebrity and you're reading this.. I would love to see someone that completely gave all of his/her possessions and showed us an example of what charity really is.

Interview gone terrible....

So I applied for a position in some company that is literally an hour away from the house.  It was about 1 hour and 30 minutes from home if I didn't take the toll roads. 

So I have their HR lady call me a few days go and we have a brief stint of phone tag with one another.
Finally, I get a hold of her.  She requests that we meet yesterday at a certain time.  I agree.  She calls me two hours later and asks if she could reschedule.  I don't whine about it and I agree to the change.


Now get this... I drive my ass all the way over there and I stand in an empty lobby for like ten minutes.  Suddenly out of nowhere, this warehouse worker guy comes out and looks at me as if I'm crazy.  I tell him I'm here for an interview and he goes ahead and looks around for that HR person.

"She went for the day mang"

"You gotta to be kidding me..."

"No mang.. she's went home already"


I guess my facial expressions weren't hiding anytime soon and he decides to ask someone else.

An English lady pops out of the back office and then asks that I fill out an application.

As I'm filling it out, two of them come into the conference room and begin interviewing me.  None of them being the HR person.  Then a gentleman comes in and interviews me.  You could tell the vibe isn't there nor is their experience in hiring personnel. 

Fifteen minutes into the meeting, they conclude it and then go about their business..

I've never seen such a weird company before and wtf is wrong with the HR lady?  How does HR flake out on their own interviews?

Do you guys ever have weird stories like this?

Something that really annoys me...

So, I was having a conversation with a co-worker and were discussing our accounts and figuring what our next plan of action would be.

Co-worker:"Hey, so XXX company is looking to open up their channel sales department"

Me:"Oh serious? That's pretty cool. It seems like you'll be getting some extra revenue."

Co-worker:"Yeah man. I'm pretty stoked about the whole thing. I mean what are the odds that I have an account that's about to unleash some heavy commission."

(He begins to inch closer)

Me: Uh.. yeah. I know. It's gonna be some smooth sailing for you man.

(He moves in closer to me)

Co-worker: "YEAH DUDE! OH MY GOD. I've been stressing about my quota this quarter, but now I can actually breathe"

(The dude is literally three inches from my face amd I'm literally smelling what he had for lunch. He had a hotdog from Costco.. I just know it.)

Me: Yeah "(I stall and I look at my cellphone). Looks like I gotta head into a conference call. I'll talk to you later bro."

Personal space. I can't stand it when people don't acknowledge a person's space. I mean if I actually puckered my lips, I would have been kissing the guy for chrissakes.

Do any of you guys deal with this?

What really pisses me off part deux

The List continues because I felt like it:


-People that pick their noses while they're driving.  I'm seriously.  Do that shit in the privacy of your own home.  I don't want to see you mining for gold bro. I especially hate it when hot girls do it while there's traffic.  I feel so torn and conflicted.  The girl is hot, but then she pulls out this weird inorganic strand of crap.. it just makes me limp. ... down there.

-People who always seem to 1 up the conversation:
 -Joe Blow #1: Yeah. I heard Shelly had a mean accident last night.  I heard she won't be getting out of the hospital anytime soon.  Sucks to hear that man.
 -Douchebag #1: Dude.. you don't understand how long for me to get into the hospital.  I was there for like a week. It was boring as hell.
I'm seriously... do you really have to do that?  You attention whore. 


-This one guy that I used to work with all the time. Freaked the hell out of me. Remember the nerdy guy from Office Space?  He's exactly like that.  This guy was a humongous tub of lard.  All he would do is talk about how his wife was rich and so respected as a person.. He would say how much he loved her and how sex isn't a big deal to him anymore.. but then he'll go the strip clubs with me and talk to these single parent ladies on the phone or text them.  I mean come on...and then he would mutter obscenties and threats to you.  There were many occasions where he would mutter shit like, "you fucking dumbass" and then proceed to smile and tell you whatever you asked for his assistance on.  Other times, he's thrown temper tantrums because he couldn't get a window seat at the office.  For fuck sakes man, we live in a CUBICLE!  WHO GIVES A FLYING ASS WHERE WE SIT? 



Enough for today.

Some things that annoy me..

-People who chew with their mouth open.
-Girls that say, "I just want to be friends."
-Cranky fat people.  I thought fat people were supposed to be jolly?
-Traffic in California.
-If in doubt... movie actors will resort to some sort of UK accent.  Ex: Prince of Persia
-That I'm very broke. 
-When a fat girl steals the last chocolate chip cookie at Home Town Buffet. 
-Immigrants who take my country for granted. 
-For some reason Wendy's employees always seem to mess up my order.  IT'S NOT HARD MOFOS.. I WANT A BACON CHEESEBURGER WITH CHICKEN NUGGETS.  HOW DOES THAT TRANSLATE TO A CHOCOLATE SHAKE?!
-People who complain about how immigrants have taken jobs away from them.  Honestly, I can't imagine any of you lazy pieces of crap slaving away in the hot sun.  Most of us complain about how we don't have anything, but opportunity is there.  Do you really think you can't get a job at some sort of fast food restaurant?!  Come on.. at least my meals will be taken down correctly.

Thursdays are another way of telling me that I'm fu*king loser.

Here's a "great" dialogue I had with my manager:

Me: So, I had this question about this assignment.  The accounts seem to be having some issues with blah blah blah ( I won't bore you with the specifics).

Boss: Oh well yeah.  That's why we had you come on board.

Me: I appreciate that, but I'm still trying to figure things out here.

Boss:  Well how about this?  I know you're busy Monday through Friday.  How about you come in on Saturday to do some catch up work?  I'm sure with you coming in on Saturdays, you'll be up on in no time. 



Yeah. THE MAN SAID TO COME IN ON SATURDAYS!!!!!


I swear I think I've hit Dante's Inferno and this is just the tip of the iceberg...

I hate Wednesdays just as much as Mondays

I thought I'd share some info before I go apeshit.

I recently came on board and took over some accounts.  It was horrible.  The person who left prior to me coming on board messed up everything.


I had work literally the minute I walked in.  No training, no 2 week get out of jail card.  It was just crap.

So here I am cleaning and I have co-workers who are sitting next to me giggling about trivial stuff.  Not only that, they want me to join in with them.


Seriously.. I do not have time to sit and shoot the breeze with you folks.  I really do not care if you your step daughter got arrested for a DUI.  I really don't care that you had a flat tire when coming into work.  I sure as hell do not care that you have a sinking suspicion that your girlfriend is cheating on you.  Chances are I'm probably the guy that's messing around with your girlfriend.

Why is it that when you're swamped, you have people who constantly drop by your cubicle and ask me how my day is coming along.

BRO! I'M SWAMPED WITH WORK.  LEAVE ME ALONE
.