I'm back baby!

I'm married now.

I have 2 kids.

I am super depressed.

Office Space Printer Scene:

Who doesn't like Office Space?!

                          I hate my printer at work with a passion.  Especially when I have to double side..

                                  What are some horror stories that you have about office workers?

Time to complain about office antics.

You know what I don't like?

Not being able to update this damn bog.

I'm going to do that now.

Seriously.

Those days when you just don't feel like it.

It's been tough trying to be motivated.

I was trying to figure a way to start a regimented diet/life, but I somehow convinced myself that I needed to eat some breakfast. 

Then after eating breakfast, I convinced myself I should take a nap.

After taking a nap, I decided I should eat a late lunch.

After lunch, I suggested to myself that I needed to watch some movies.

I fall asleep as I watch my second DVD.

AND ironically, I wonder why I gained so much weight.


Life's good man...

God.. I hate Joy Behar... that ignorant cow.

http://joybehar.blogs.cnn.com/2011/03/08/dr-drew-sheen-is-suffering-from-hypomania/?iref=obnetwork


Jesus Christ.. what the heck is she doing with her own damn show?

Smeggin tard she is.

Kraft and Kellogg's both using hormones in their products?!!! SAY IT AIN'T SO?!

Your drug is a heart breaker.... hahaha.

But seriously... I've been reading up on Alyssa Milano's twitter and something did fancy my attention. Alyssa Milano's Twitter. She had something posted the other day or about bovine growth hormones and how two major food manufacturers are admitting to using it. 

Here's the link:

Bovine Growth Hormones

I'm sure two questions come to mind:

1.  Why Alyssa Milano?
2.  What's the big deal about bovine growth hormones?
3.  Seriously.. what's with Alyssa Milano?

I'll answer question #2 first. We first have to explain what growth bovine growth hormones are.  It's simply a man made genetically mutated growth hormone that speeds up milk production in cows and makes them grow.  They do it by splicing artificial DNA (what?!) into original DNA.

It was originally made by Monsanto.  You know.. the guys that created Agent Orange?  Yeah.  Those guys. 

So apparently, everybody else and their mothers excluding the USA has banned bovine growth hormones.  The FDA somehow thinks, it's all gravy when it comes to US citizens drinking or eating cows that have growth hormones injected in them.  Makes you wonder...what those lobbyists do in Washington DC.  Shell out some nice dinners to politicians so that you're able to keep that 6 figure job. Rather sad..


And to answer questions #1 and #2.  Have you ever looked at Alyssa Milano?  She's hot.  She was hot in Who's the Boss?  Don't hate.  I was like 8 years old at the time.  I have every right to have a crush on her.  It also helps that she's a big Dodger fan and a foodie.  That's like the perfect girl for me.

When people say it's all downhill when you hit 21... they weren't effing kidding.

Kids..your life is gonna suck the minute you either pass college or become an adult.

Here's my wonderful schedule:

1) Wake up at 5:30am.  Hit snooze.
2) Wake up at 6:00am.  Try to hit snooze.. but I somehow realize that I'll be late for work.
3) Take a shower and run off to my car.
4) Get stuck in traffic for 40 to 60 minutes.
5) Get to work at 7:30 or even later depending on traffic.
6) Come up with ingenious ways of quitting my work.
7) Deal with very arrogant co-workers.  I try to ignore them by listening to online radio.
8) Lunch time comes around 12:30pm.  I usually spend this time smoking 6-10 ciggies.
9) I go back in and work. Find stuff to do.  Twiddle my fingers..
10) Work comes to an end at around 5pm.  I get back in my car.
11) I sit in traffic for another hour.
12) I get home and it's roughly 6pm or 6:30pm.
13) I scrounge something to eat.
14) I smoke a cig or two.  While I'm doing this, I reminisce about where I fudged up.
15) By then it, it's 11pm. I know it's time for sleep.
16) I close my eyes and drift into nothingness.
17) I wake up at 5:30am.  Hit snooze.


This wonderful cycle will hardly change.  There will be times where you'll be inundated with family errands or obligations.  Sometimes you'll get wonderful surprises like, paying for your car registration or even car insurance.

I remember my mom telling me to enjoy my childhood.  I never understood that.  As a kid, all I wanted to do was grow up and become and adult.  I hated being a kid.

Looking back now... I miss it.  I miss it a lot.  


I hate it when my mom is right.

Do you have co-workers...

That always seem to need to say the last word in any situation?

Whether if it's in a meeting or a phone call.

That's one of my most biggest pet peeves.  I have co-workers who literally will talk or shout over the speaker just so they get their point across.   Every time I see that, I just want to throw some baseballs at their faces.  For chrissakes man!  There's effing etiquette behind having a conversation.


Also, another crap that is annoying is when people want you to pronounce their full name.  Let's say your name is.. oh I don't know, Maximilian.  We all know it's a long name. Not only that, it's annoying.  IF I had a name like Maximilian, I would hate to be called that.  I'd freaking shorten it.  Like.. oh I don't know.  MAX seems like a good short name.  IT still gets the point across.

I have a co-worker that will literally correct you that his name is Maximilian and will get royally pissed if you call him Max.  Isn't it usually the other way around?!

MLM's bother the bejesus out of me and also a big thank you to twsketchaday

So while I'm sitting there miserable at work wondering when it'll be all over.  I got a text message from an acquaintance. 

Just to give you a bio about the guy:
-I knew him in high school.
-We talked every now and then.
-He found me on Facebook.
-WE never chatted or hung out. If we did, it was usually in a group setting from mutual friends.

So anyways, he's been calling me like crazy.  One of his voicemails kinda started like this:

" Yo, Mr. Smith.  Long time no chat bro!  I haven't hung out with you in ages.  I've been doing good man.  I've been making a crapload of money.  Since we're so close, I wanted you to be a part of it as well.  This XXX (MLM company) has been taking care of me, bro.  I put down a 100 bucks and I've been making money like crazy bro. WE gotta hang out man.  The sooner you give me a call, the sooner you'll get hooked up man. BIG TIME BRO! I'll give you a call tomorrow night and see what's going on bro."

...

So.. uh yeah. That message drew out to be a three minute voicemail on my phone.  What a freaking cumquat...I hardly know this guy and he's called me like ten times in the past three days.  I plan on calling him and kindly letting him know to f*ck off.  We'll see how that goes.

And why the heck is he saying bro so much?!

In other news, I was honored to have twsketchaday draw me something pretty dope.

Check em out twsketchaday and give him some props!

Sorry. Sorry...

Oh boy.  Lots have happened.  Lots has changed.

Thanksgiving went by.  Christmas went by.  New Years went by as well.  

Found a job. (Yay, go me.)

But then... here's what follows:

1) I'm not happy with my job.  I don't see any room for growth within the company. 
2) My co-workers are very "cliquey" so it's hard to gauge or engage anything.
3) They watch me like a hawk. I swear they monitor when I go to the restroom or when I step outside for a cigarette break.

I know I shouldn't complain.  But.. it's just really awkward. I'm sociable by nature, but I've turned into a loner within the past month or so.

But, I won't ever make the mistake of quitting before finding another job.  3 months of.. just sitting there. Applying forjobs.  Going into stupid interviews.  Answering the same dumb old questions over and over.


In other news, I finally watched a TED show on David Blaine and how he held his breath for 17 minutes.  This guy is a freaking pimp.

Dear Jimmy Wales..

STOP ASKING FOR EFFING DONATIONS.

Every effing year, you ask for money.  A plea from Jimmy Wales.  A plea from Wikipedia.

BLAH BLAH BLAH.

I've donated in the past and honestly I did it because I felt bad.

But seriously, Jimmy.

You're not broke.


You have money. Do you really think "founders" only get chump change?  I'm sure you're hitting high 6 figures to low 7 figures.  Honestly, in a perfect world, if it's a not for profit corporation, it would be ideal to see how much you really made.  It would definitely make people look at things differently.  Seriously, I think you could do it out of your own pocket.  Be like Warren Buffet.

I'm looking at your overall spending and I'm just flabbergasted at the bs that I see here:

CLOSE TO $1 MILLION IN TRAVELING EXPENSES?!  Jesus Christ Jimmy and (staff/friends)... where the eff are you going?  Was there a meeting you absolutely had to go to in Zurich?  Was there some yummy benets that you just absolutely had to try in Louisiana?  Or was it the lame brain meeting you had to "attend" in Japan?  Trust me, Jimmy.  You don't need to learn Japanese... it's a dying country.

You probably live in a nice house valued at over $1 million dollars.

You've probably kissed a koala bear.

Probably shmoozed with some celebrities and ate some finger foods.

SO Jimmy.  Please forgive me if I don't.  And, your image is getting tarnished bro.  A plea??!  What the hell is wrong with you?

WE'RE FINANCIALLY STRUGGLING AND IF YOU WANT PEOPLE TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY, THEN EFFING LEAN YOUR STAFF AND COMPANY. I've noticed that you've done a lot with contracting,  why don't you hire some more contractors and cut off the staff.  Almost $9 million in salary?! You know effing well you could shave that be forty to fifty percent.

Jesus Jimmy.  You sound like a medicine man selling some snake oil..

There's a reason why white people don't live in Oakland...

Chaffed nipples.. yikes.

This is why I don't exercise.

I kid... I kid. I have been exercising and it's been extremely painful.

What else can I do if I can't pass the time...

Optical Illusions always fascinate me...

Damn.. I am growing an epic unemployment beard. I haven't shaved in at least a week.

I wonder how long it's going to take for me to grow a grizzly one.

It is starting to get itchy though..

Ah.. one of the best music videos ever.

It sounds better when the volume is down ^_^

Crap that bothers me...

So lately, I've been watching a lot of television. Being unemployed does that to anybody. But, I'm beginning to notice something really annoying and it just pisses me off.

What I'm really angry about are celebrities.

Specifically.. they're celebrities that are actually supporting some sort of organization and they ask us common folk to give or donate.

What the fu*k?!

You guys have millions of dollars in your pockets and you want us to donate our hard earned money? Some of which required sweat and tears?

It just irks me. Instead of asking me to donate, why don't you take your own medicine and help them. I'm sure some of them donate money, but how easy would it be for you to recover the funds you donated?

What about Laquesha and her hard earned minimum wage? If she donated 50 bucks to the Stand Up to Cancer organization, that's probably a fourth of her weekly wage. 50 bucks is a latte and probably a nice lunch in West Hollywood.

I'm done ranting.. but if you're a celebrity and you're reading this.. I would love to see someone that completely gave all of his/her possessions and showed us an example of what charity really is.

Very cool video...

Friday and Halloween is coming tomorrow.  Funny, I won't be doing anything to aggravate myself anymore.


For those guys out there in the States, please drive safe and don't drive drunk!

I found this video to be inspirational.  Chiggity Check it:

Still trying to get out of this funk.

Sorry for the lack of updates.  I've been recovering since earlier this week.   I think it has to do with the boozin.  My liver is not feeling to good. 

Job hunting is still going as planned.  I'm feeling the pressure now.  The honeymoon is definitely over...

Oh man.. Vegas..

Sorry for the delayed response.  I had to have some time to recuperate from my drinking binge and wild nights of gambling.


I'll shorten this before I head back to bed:
-Started the night with Jack and Coke.
-Continued to drink Jack and Coke.
-Proceeded to the casino downstairs and started gambling.  Black Jack to be exact.
-Lost a Benjamin in the process, but was able to squeeze in four cocktails of Jack and Coke.
-Wanted some french toast and eggs.  So, I proceeded to one of the late night diners.
-Apparently a drunk midwest girl was having her 24th birthday party.  I was pretty tossed and I was more than obliged to take pictures with her and her friends. I later find out that she's from Iowa.  We have a small chit chat and we find out she's staying in the same hotel as I am.  We decide to hang out further into the night.
-I go upstairs to change into some clubbing clothes.  Go downstairs and meet her at the lobby.  We go to a few clubs with her friends.  Luckily for me, she had friends that weren't cock blocking or being the mother hen.
-We drink.
-We drink some more. 
-We kind of get physical in the club.  Her friends notice and they disappear into the crowd.
-I suggest we get out of the club.  She agrees and we head up to my room.  I order some room service.  We chat a bit.
-We get physical again.  This time, we're rounding third base here.  I get a knock on the door. It's room service. He comes in with her butt naked on my bed.  The room service guy has a look of surprise but tries not to look. I give him a tip and off he goes.
-We do it.
-We take a break.
-We do it again.
-I eat my toast.  she drinks her oj.
-We do it again.
-Then I pass out with a waffle on my face. 
-I wake up.  I notice that she's still sleeping in my room.  I go into the shower and rinse off the booze, the waffles and crap off myself.

I was hoping I could create a short list and I'm seeing that I'm writing an essay.  Long story short, she leaves my room and I later find out she recently had a break up with her boyfriend and just needed a quick tryst.  I was more than happy to oblige... but in the back of my mind.. I feel somewhat used. 

I feel like I was used as a manwhore. 

Back to sleep.

Last one before I hit the road to Vegas... (Strawberries and Cream?)

God.. I would totally do this if I had a little sister. She's sounds so annoying..