Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mrs. Heffhauser.. revisited..

Since I've been home lately, I've been seeing Mrs. Heffhauser more and more and today.. was pretty much all about her.  

For those that remember her in my past posts, she's the land lady in the complex that I'm living with.  She's somewhat old fashioned and if I had to take a guess, she's probably from the mid west since she's referring me as an Oriental still. 

Mrs. Heffhauser lives downstairs from me.  Right beneath me.  And, sad to say, the walls and floors are fairly thin.  I think the vents are connected as well since I can usually smell marinara coming into my room when I'm washing the dishes. 

So anyways, I was looking around for jobs on the net today.. and out of nowhere a shriek came through the vents.  My heart felt like it raced up to my tonsils..

Mrs. H: Help! Help! 

I panic.  I don't exactly know what to do.  Instead of calling 911 like a regular person, I get up and stand on my seat and talk to her through the vents.

Me:  Uh.  Mrs. Heffhauser?  Are you alright?

Mrs. H:  XXX, No I'm not goddamn alright!! Help me! 

Me: Well.. what happened? 

Mrs. H: Just get your ass here.  If the door is locked, just kick the shit out of it and get your ass in here!

Me:  Uh.. I don't know.. I don't want to..

Mrs H: GET IN HERE!!!! 

I run downstairs and begin trying to ram down the door.  No dice.  I can't even budge it. 

As I'm doing this, I'm hearing Mrs. Heffhauser scream her ass off. 

I try the door knob.  Sure enough.. it's open.  I turn the knob and I go in.  I check the living room, I check her room and sure enough.. I check the bathroom. 

I saw Mrs. Heffhauser in all her glory.  She was butt naked. 

Mrs H:  Well don't stand there gawking at me.  Help me up.

Apparently, she was in the bathroom and was in the process of taking a shower when she slipped on the bathroom rug, twisted her ankle and hit her head pretty bad on the toilet.  There was a pretty nasty bump on her forehead.

I grab a towel and cover her up.

Mrs H:  I'm going to get dressed. Help me get dressed.

Me: What?!  We need to call the ambulance and get you to the hospital

Mrs H: Are you stupid?!  You Orientals are supposed to be smart and good with money.  Do you know how much that would cost me?!

Me:  Uh.. I don't feel comfortable doing any of this, Mrs. Heffhauser. 

Mrs. H: You've never seen a naked women before?  Jesus H. Christ. Don't be so childlike. 

Long story short, I get her dressed.  I was fortunate enough to just get her clothes and closed the door so she could put on her clothes in privacy. I literally piggy back her to my car and take her to the nearest urgent care hospital.  I call her kids up and let them know that their mother had an accident.  Sadly, all I got were voicemails.  I help her fill out the questionnaire and I literally just sit there. 

For hours. 

Doc comes out and asks if I'm somehow related to her.  I let him know that she's my land lady. 

Doctor:  I'm letting you know that she had a concussion and she sprained her ankle pretty bad. We're going to have her at the hospital for at least a night.  We just want to make sure..

I go ahead and drive back home but all that I'm wondering.. where the eff are her kids?  I mean.. that's so sad that her own kids won't even show up for emergencies...


  1. Yeah, that IS sad..
    but wow that was a random accident ^^

  2. When it comes to your post, GTL can also stand for "Great Thoughts at Length"... keep it up!

  3. You've made some interesting points... I also have some points (actually bubbles) on Enhanced by MS Paint :)

  4. I have to agree with you here. Check out my other TS blog, Swift Fanatics!